Push and Shove Read online

  What else could I do? I looked at my phone, wondering who I could talk to about this. Maybe Kota, and even then, I wasn’t sure what to say. Volto had challenged me with a way to test the boys about their honesty, by suggesting I wanted to see my stepmother, or find a way to allow Marie to see her. I’d avoided it because I didn’t want to believe Volto was right. Now it felt wrong to deny Marie access if I could possibly find out for her. Surely Kota or someone would take her. If she didn’t want to go with them, wasn’t there some other way?

  Would that help Marie out of this slump?

  I went back to the kitchen, collecting the tip jar from the counter and crept up to the second floor and to my bedroom. I placed the tip jar on the top of my bookshelf. There was at least a hundred dollars in there. Was that normal for a few hours of work? It felt like a lot to me. It was more money than I’d ever held at one time. In a way, it didn’t feel like I’d really earned it at all, more like Gabriel’s and Luke’s money.

  I put Gabriel’s shoes on top of the trunk so I’d remember to give them back. I changed into shorts and a soft T-shirt to wear to sleep, and sat on top of the bed, feeling out of place. I hadn’t been alone in bed since my mother was still around, since the night I was locked in the closet.

  I shook off the thoughts because I didn’t want to start thinking about her or my father right now. The anger in the pit of my stomach eased a bit more every day the longer I stopped thinking about it. It turned into numbness, and from there, it became easier to examine – from a distance.

  I forced myself to get up and turn off the light, but when I returned to the bed, I simply sat on it. Still waiting. Still hoping one of them would show up. I touched my phone, but I knew where the boys were, and they were all busy.

  Footsteps echoed on the stairs. A heavy tread, a boy.

  “Sang?” Nathan’s voice traveled to me.

  My heart leapt and I spun around. For a moment, I thought I’d imagined it, only wishing hard that one of them could have been here with me. “Nathan?”

  The door opened and Nathan appeared. He was still in the red T-shirt and jeans. From the light behind him in the hallway, his face was shadowed. “Right here,” he said.

  I crawled over until I could step onto the carpet. I reached for the light switch, but he caught my hand before I could. He backed off, turning slightly, but I spotted the swelling on his cheek.

  My fingers darted toward his face, hovering over his skin. I wanted to make it better, but I was afraid to hurt him. “Are you okay?”

  He opened his mouth, his lips moving as if to start talking, but his lower lip started trembling instantly.

  In a quick move, his arms surrounded me, hugging me tight to his body, and he buried his head into my shoulder, sucking in air hard.

  My arms encircled his neck. He hugged me so tight that I was lifted off the floor. He stumbled a little. The strength in his hug hardened against my bones until it was almost crushing. I waddled around backward as he walked, trying to hang on to him

  “Nathan,” I called softly against his ear. I wanted to say something, anything. The way his blue eyes had looked, and the trembling lip, and how his body now shuddered against mine, it scared me more than seeing his father. “I was worried. I thought...”

  “I hate it, Sang,” he said, the words bursting from his lips in a rush. He buried his face in the crook between my neck and collarbone. “I hate that house. I can’t stand it anymore.”

  “What happened?” I asked softly, unsure if that was the right question. I didn’t know how to comfort him.

  “He hits me, and all I can think of is I could hit him back. I could. I know I can do it.” He sniffed hard. “But I know if I do, I might not stop. I’ll hit him and I’ll keep going.” He squeezed me hard enough that it knocked most of the air from my lungs. “It’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I try not to. I’m supposed to defend myself. I’m supposed to show him he can’t hurt me. Most of the time I can take it.” He sucked in another breath and pulled his head from my shoulder and lowered me until I was standing. He tilted forward, until his forehead met mine. “But tonight he wouldn’t stop talking about you, and I almost lost it. I looked right at his throat. One hit.”

  “You can let him talk about me,” I said. “Ignore it. I don’t care what he says.”

  “I couldn’t stop myself. He kept calling you a bitch and other things and I couldn’t listen to it.”

  “Honey...” I wasn’t sure how to help him. Family first. I knew that part. My heart ached at seeing him all torn up. I wished Kota or Mr. Blackbourne was here to help. “He shouldn’t hit you. You should get away from him if he tries.”

  “I used to,” he said. “I used to run over to Kota’s. I had to stop because my dad figured out where I was going and I didn’t want Erica or Jessica getting hurt. I didn’t want to drag the fight over there.” He let out a frustrated groan and lowered his head against my shoulder again. “I can’t go back. I can’t look at him. He forced my mom out. When she left, he lost his shit, and now he can’t...”

  “Don’t go back,” I said. “He’s hardly ever there, right? Can you stay away until he leaves?”

  “I didn’t expect him this time,” he said. “Most of the time he calls. When he is home, he wants me there cleaning the house. It’s what he used to do to my mom. If she wasn’t on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor or something like that...” He trailed off as if he didn't want to finish his sentence.

  “Do you have to live there?” I asked. “Would he come after you if you moved out?”

  His hands massaged my back. His mouth twisted and he focused on some spot on the wall behind me. “I don’t know, Sang.” He broke away from me, walking a few steps and stopping, running his fingers through his red hair. “But I can’t move in with Kota. I mean I could, but with Erica and Jessica, I don’t want to put them in the middle of this.”

  “What if you moved in here?” I asked.

  “I can’t do that.”

  “You can,” I said. I clutched at his red T-shirt. I was desperate to help. If I had to beg, I would. I didn’t know what I was doing, but it felt like the answer, and I needed to give him one. “It’s just Marie and I here. We can’t do this alone. I couldn’t do it without you.”

  “Sang,” he said, groaning. He pulled my hands to his chest, squeezing them. “Marie doesn’t like me. Staying over is one thing but moving in...”

  “You can stay here until your dad leaves,” I said. “How long does he stay?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “A week? Maybe a couple? It depends. Sometimes they force him to take time off from work because he flies so much.”

  “Stay here until he leaves.”

  “Peanut.” He groaned again, starting to pull away. “I can’t–”

  “Please?” I asked. I didn’t know what else to offer him. I didn’t know how to fix this. I couldn’t beat up his father for him or fight him. I clung to him, anxious to help but not knowing how. Wouldn’t Kota agree he should stay away? Would Mr. Blackbourne encourage it? Family first. Keep the family safe. “We’re by ourselves,” I said. “We’re alone and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “I wouldn’t leave you alone, Sang.”

  “Stay here with me, Nathan. Please? I need you here.” I wasn’t sure how else to convince him. If this didn’t work, I was going to ask Kota and possibly make him persuade Nathan that he should stay, or at least leave his father if he could.

  Nathan sighed. He ducked his head again until his forehead rested against mine. His hands held onto my arms, holding me still. He massaged my muscles, tightening and loosening his grip over and over. “I can’t let him find out where you are, or that I’m here.”

  “We won’t go over there,” I said. “We’ll sneak over tonight and get what you need.”

  Nathan straightened, his blue eyes darkening. “I’ll go alone.”

  “You can’t go by yourself.�
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  “I’m not letting you anywhere near him.”

  “Then take Kota,” I said. “Take him with you.”

  He nodded. “I’ll get your stuff, too. We’ll move your clothes.”

  “Just enough until he leaves,” I said. “I’ll hide your things in the attic wardrobe. It’ll be cramped but–”

  “I don’t think Danielle is interested in guy clothes.” He breathed out heavily. His arms encircled me again, hugging me tightly around the shoulders. “We have to be careful,” he said. “We can’t let Mr. Morris figure out what we’re doing if he’s watching the house. They might think...well it might be bad if this gets back to Mr. Hendricks. They’re going to know something isn’t right if I’m here all the time. I’m here often enough, but I’ve been able to go home a lot, he’s going to start figuring this out. I don’t know if Mr. Morris has noticed there’s not a car here and that your dad isn’t around. He spends so much time watching Kota’s house. We don’t want him to get curious about what we’re up to.”

  My arms went around his waist and he pulled me in until we were tight together. “So you’ll stay here with me?” I asked.

  “Yeah, Peanut. I’ll stay.”

  My heart lifted, relieved and excited all at once. Nathan was going to move in. Maybe only for a couple of days, and maybe longer if I could convince him. It meant something to me. I was contributing. Not really. I wasn’t doing much. I just felt like there was nothing else I could offer. And I really didn’t want him to go back. In my heart, I knew. As long as there was a space on the floor or any tiny bit of room, I’d always let Nathan or the others stay with me.

  I grasped tighter to him, lowering my head until my cheek was against his chest. His hand found the back of my head, and he held me still against him, his fingers threading through my hair as he massaged gently. A moment later, his hands dropped until he hooked an arm under my knees and lifted me off the ground. He carried me over to the bed.

  I was glad the lights were turned off. I was sure my whole face was red. Nathan placed me gently down. He turned slightly from me, taking his jeans off, leaving on a pair of boxer briefs and the T-shirt. He fell in next to me.

  I cuddled into him. He trailed two fingers along my arm, over my shoulder, along the side of my neck, until he was touching my lips. I kissed the tip of his finger, parting my lips. He slid the finger inside and I bit down.

  Nathan grunted. He found my hand, singled out my forefinger, and tucked it into his mouth. His teeth grazed against my skin.

  He sunk into me, his body encompassing mine. I fell asleep with his finger in my mouth, and mine in his.

  PERILOUS GOSSIP

  Nathan got up during the night, but I was caught between the dream world and this one. He lifted my hand, and kissed the back of a knuckle. He whispered something, but I didn’t catch it before I fell back to sleep.

  I woke up again and the sun hadn’t risen yet. His arm was tucked around my stomach. Did he even leave at all? It felt like my imagination. I was chilled. It was cool enough that even with the blanket covering both of us, it wasn’t enough.

  I turned over, weaseling my way closer until I was snuggling into his chest, only to discover it was bare. Didn’t he have a shirt on before?

  Nathan moaned softly, winding his arms around me. He pressed his gruff cheek against the top of my head, pulling me in. I wondered if he was a little cold, too.

  I had my face shoved up against his chest. The thud of his slow-beating heart pushed back against me. His lungs filled and emptied with each breath he took. I was comforted listening to his life, feeling him so close to me.

  Why did it feel like it was never close enough?

  There were footsteps in the hallway. I ignored them, assuming it was Kota, or one of the other guys. We weren’t late for school. The sun wasn’t high enough. I wondered if he was just checking on us.

  When the door opened, I didn’t budge.

  When the light flicked on, I was ready to groan at Kota for waking us up so early. I was going to tell him Mr. Blackbourne said I was supposed to sleep.

  “Oh my god,” a female voice said, loud and with a sharp whine at the end.

  My eyes shot open and I sat up, wiping away the sleep from my face so I could focus.

  Danielle stood in the doorway, her brown eyes wide, and her jaw hanging open enough that I could see her tongue.

  Nathan flipped over on the bed, looking confused. When he spotted Danielle, he sat up next to me. “Get out,” he bellowed at her.

  “What’s going on here?” she asked. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the door frame. She turned to me. “I thought you were going out with the tall one.”

  “Get the fuck out, Danielle,” Nathan barked at her.

  “You get out,” Danielle said, dropping her hands. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

  Nathan jumped off the bed, standing and rolling his shoulders back, facing her off. “Fuck off. This is Sang’s house, not yours.”

  “Funny,” she said. Her eyes lowered to his underwear and then back up. Her lips twisted into a sneer. “Thought it belonged to Mrs. Sorenson.”

  “She’s not here,” I said in a quiet voice. I didn’t want a fight. I didn’t know what Danielle was doing, but I didn’t like her here.

  Nathan stepped between us, presenting himself as a shield and blocking my view. “It’s none of your business.”

  “When I asked Marie, she said her mom wouldn’t like a boy in the house.”

  “So why did she have Derrick stay?” Nathan snapped back. “And why isn’t Marie in here telling us this?”

  “I came in to borrow a skirt,” she said. “Marie said I could.”

  “Sang’s shit doesn’t fit your ass,” Nathan said. “You took all her other clothes.”

  “Where’s the ones she wears to school now?”

  Nathan growled. “Get out. Stop stealing her shit.”

  “I’m just borrowing,” Danielle said. I leaned over on the bed to look around Nathan. Danielle had her hands on her hips. “The clothes belong to both of them. Her mom said...”

  “Her mom can kiss my fucking ass,” Nathan bellowed at her. “She doesn’t get to tell Sang what to do any more. Do you even know...?”

  “Nathan,” I said, reaching to tug at his elbow. Danielle already knew too much, that my parents were gone. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to know the things my mother did to me.

  Nathan looked back at me. “Tell her, Sang. Tell her to get out.”

  I glanced at Danielle. I’d never spoken to her before. This was the first time she actually acknowledged me, and she was in my room, demanding things. My finger sought my lower lip, pressing it to my teeth. “Could you please leave us alone?”

  Danielle smirked in a way that made her wide jaw seem bigger. “What should I say to your other boyfriend next time I see him?”

  I glanced at Nathan, unsure with how to handle this.

  “We don’t really care what you tell him,” Nathan said. “I don’t know what you heard. Sang’s with me. And blackmailing us isn’t going to get you anything.”

  “Marie could call her dad,” she said.

  “Let her,” Nathan spit back. “I’d like to talk to him, too. He said he’d be by with food and to take care of things and he hasn’t been here in weeks. I’ve got a few things to say about abandoning his responsibility.”

  Danielle pursed her lips, her eyes shifting a little. To me, it seemed like she was calculating her next move. “Are you staying here this weekend?”

  I glanced back at Nathan, not sure how to respond. We’d lied before to Marie, saying we’d be in the house when we weren’t.

  “We’re staying here this weekend,” Nathan said in a tone lower than I’d expected. His hands clenched.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t,” she said. Her eyebrow lifted and she focused on me. “Go to his house for the weekend.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “What are you planning, Danielle? What
ever it is, stop it.”

  Danielle smirked again. “It’s Marie’s house, too. She can invite people over if she wants. And she’s the oldest so she’s in charge.” She turned away, walking across the hallway into Marie’s bedroom. She slammed the door closed.

  My heart thundered. Danielle knew too much. Nathan had been right before when he’d said this was coming. She’d planned something with Marie. Inviting other people over? Who else did Marie know?

  “Shit,” Nathan said. He sank down, sitting on the edge of the bed. He propped his elbows on his knees, rubbing his palm over his bowed head. “I think I just fucked up.”

  I knee walked over until I was sitting behind him. I placed a hand on his back. “You didn’t do anything. She...”

  “Silas is supposed to be dating you,” he said. He lifted his head up, turning to look back at me. “Where’s my phone? I should call him.”

  “What does it matter?” I asked. “Kota said before to just say I was dating whoever...”

  “Silas wanted to change that,” he said, he leaned over, finding his phone mixed up in the sheets. He hit the button and started typing in a message.

  “Why does it matter?” I asked. “Why do we care what anyone else thinks?”

  “It’s the football team,” he said. “We’re trying to get the team to trust us. Or at least Silas and North are. We’re not supposed to get that close to anyone while we’re here, so Silas had you as his girlfriend so the guys wouldn’t pressure him to date one of the cheerleaders. And it stopped all those rumors going on about you. If people thought you were dating Silas, no one would mess with you.”

  “What about North?”

  “No one fucks with North.” He flopped onto his back on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling. He heaved a big sigh. “And now we’ve got to figure out what Danielle is up to.”

  “They’re inviting people over.”

  “Yeah, and we have to find out who. I mean are we talking a couple of guys? Or is she planning something bigger?”

  “Well,” I said, standing, stretching. “She was asking about a skirt.”

  “You’re right,” he said, and he sat up, his eyes wide. “Maybe it’s a guy. That’s why she’s here. And that’s why she’s particular about you leaving. She wouldn’t kick Marie out, but if you’re gone—shit.” He stood up, moving toward the closet. “What fucking perfect timing my dad has showing up this week.”