The Healing Power of Sugar Read online

  He reached for me, holding my cheeks in his palms. He held me like that as I let go of the shirt and pressed my palms to his bare chest.

  “Luke?” I said, a little afraid and yet drawn to him. It’d been a long afternoon, and the way he was looking at me now was serious. He needed something.

  His eyes traced over my face. “I promised you I’d kiss you the next time we were alone together,” he said quietly. “I’ve been putting it off, waiting for the right moment.”

  I froze, my hands on his chest and my heart pounding beneath my ribs.

  Luke leaned in, closed his eyes and kissed me.

  At first, my eyebrows went up and I was still. Part of me was surprised, sure he had meant to do something else.

  But then my eyes closed and my mouth moved, as if knowing what I wanted before I did. I parted my lips, trying to deepen the kiss.

  Luke responded by dropping his hands from my face, settling them on my hips, holding me as he kissed me.

  His kisses were light and playful. When I would deepen the kiss, he would back off, teasing my lips with a quick peck, and then when I thought he was done and was about to back off, he’d come in again, more intense, deeper. His lean body pressed up against mine, warming me, even despite the chill in the house.

  Everything we’d done through the day was forgotten. School felt like ages ago.

  Luke was kissing me and that was all I could think about. It swelled up my feelings for him and my hope that maybe our plan might work.

  He knew about Lily’s plan. This had to mean he approved, didn’t it?

  Luke shifted a little, pushing me back, but I was already against the bed, so I ended up nearly falling backwards.

  Luke caught me, but urged me to sit on the bed. He kept nudging me back and I picked up my feet, scooting up the bed. He moved forward, and then crawled on his knees, reaching for my hips again. He repositioned me, and then scooted in beside me, until I was on my back, then and he was lying over me.

  My breath caught in my throat as he kissed me. This was more intimate than I’d experienced or expected from him.

  Yet I was comfortable and my arms went around his neck. I’d been so worried about him with other girls, with the girl that had written her phone number on his arm. But here he was with me, perfect, beautiful Luke, so talented and nice.

  Luke stopped kissing my lips to drop a sweet kiss on my nose. He hovered over me, his knees on either side of my thighs, and looked down my face. His eyes appeared bigger now, the brown and flecks of amber throughout, the light reflecting in them. “This was better,” he said quietly.

  “Better?” I asked.

  “Better than I imagined it would be,” he said. He smiled, closed his eyes and leaned in again, kissing me quickly before he leaned back and looked at me again. “I’d been reworking our first kiss a lot. I wanted to pick a good place, like in the movies. I’ve watched a lot of romantic movies…”

  I smiled. “What?”

  “I thought I could do better,” he said and then pecked me on the nose again. “Sang, it doesn’t matter. This is better.”

  I was glad he thought it was. I stumbled for words, not knowing what to say. I wanted to let him know it was good for me, too, but everything seemed silly. “Luke,” I said quietly.

  He smiled, bright and playful, and then leaned in, kissing my lips.

  We kissed for a long time, and at one point, I had to turn my head a bit, needing some air.

  He didn’t stop, and continued to kiss my cheek, and then moved down toward my jaw.

  I closed my eyes, unsure of what to do, but it felt good. I thought I’d be so nervous, but for some reason I wasn’t.

  His hand drifted up over my hips, catching on the shirt.

  One moment, I was lost in his kisses, but the next, I suddenly became aware that his hand was moving the shirt up. He placed a gentle palm against my side.

  I sucked in a breath. While it felt good, I was concerned about being tickled, worried I’d start laughing during a kiss.

  When he returned his lips to mine, I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth and letting my tongue out like Gabriel had shown me. I licked at his lower lip, hoping to distract him if he was thinking about tickling.

  It seemed to work. He pressed his body into mine and groaned. His tongue came out, touching my lips and then dipping in when I opened my mouth.

  I was captivated, dizzy, but in a good way.

  His hand slid up, dragging the shirt with it. His hand was almost to my ribs.

  Then his other hand was on my hip, sliding down my outer thigh. When it got to my knee, he tugged gently, repositioning it further out.

  My heart was now out of control. He was pressing against me, and my body reacted, wanting his weight on me. It felt good, surprising, but really amazing. His hips were pressing against mine while he hovered over me, and I wanted more of his body against me. I didn’t even know exactly how. I liked the pressure, of feeling him covering me.

  He stayed like that, kissing with a hand still on my thigh. My shirt was up my stomach, his bare stomach pressed against me, skin to skin.

  Luke was breathing heavily into the kiss. I was, too, finding myself so excited, my breath unable to catch up. He nuzzled at my nose once, looking at me through half-closed lids.

  “I don’t want anyone else but you, Sang,” he said. “Don’t ever leave. Please?”

  My eyes went wide, surprised at his words. I looked at him, so close, his eyes were so big, pleading.

  I gasped, then swallowed, trying to summon up some words. Something. Anything. Why wasn’t my mind working? “Luke,” I whispered, the only thing that would come out. Had I dreamt it? Why would he be so desperate for me not to leave?

  My head was buzzing so much, my heart pounding so hard, but then Luke started to pull away from me. He was looking confused, then turned his head toward the door.

  The door was open wide and North was standing there, a strained look in his eyes. His black T-shirt was wet, his slacks sticking to his skin. His mouth was open in shock. His dark eyes took in Luke, on top of me, in his own bed.

  And then when I checked at the state we were in, I realized my shirt was askew on my body, and the boxers I’d put on had slid down a bit, really low on my hips. Luke’s pajama pants were down, too, almost off his butt.

  Luke got up on his knees, dragging the pillow from behind me toward his waist, partially covering himself. “Hey,” he said, his voice a throaty grumble, waving his hand at North in a shooing motion.

  North gripped the door handle until it creaked, the muscle in his arm tightening. He growled and then shot a look at Luke. “You can’t fucking be on her like that,” he snapped at him. “What the…I…” His face reddened, jumbled up curses falling out.

  Luke’s head reeled back. “North, just go,” he said, pulling away from me.

  I panicked, pulling the shirt down over my body, unsure what to say. My cheeks were so hot and I wanted to pull the pillow over my face. The look in North’s eyes was hard to understand, but he was clearly upset.

  He broke away from the door, stepping into the room, pointing a long finger at Luke. “This house is upside down and you’re in here with her and...”

  “Whatever it is, tell me later,” Luke barked, sitting back on his heels and then fixing the pants he wore, adjusting them on his hips. “You can’t just barge in.”

  “This is my room! And why the hell isn’t your phone on? What’s wrong with her phone? And why is Kota’s car door still open in the rain? And what is that thing in the living room hiding in a dog house?”

  The more questions he asked, the louder his voice got. His eyes darted from me to Luke and back. There were more unspoken questions he wasn’t asking, ones that were etched all over his face.

  Jealousy.

  Despite everything North had said, reassuring me, despite both of them who had said they were okay with this new plan, it still didn’t stop the jealousy.

  I pulled back, sitting clos
e to the frame of the bed, my knees pulled in to my chest. This wasn’t going to work.

  Luke dropped the pillow, his feet, squaring off with North. “That’s our pet skunk. Sang and I just bought him.”

  North pushed a palm against his forehead, his eyes somehow going wider than before. The floor under his feet creaked as he took a step back. “God, please don’t tell me you two found a skunk in the rain…”

  “We bought him at the pet store,” Luke said. He pointed back at me. “She wanted it. I got it for her.”

  That wasn’t totally true. He wasn’t explaining it right and I thought North would understand if Luke would just explain it correctly.

  North’s eyes flared. “I find that hard to believe. She doesn’t need a skunk.”

  “How do you know?” Luke asked.

  “She’s never…” He looked at me, his face twisting in confusion. “Sang, you’ve never said anything about a skunk. Why would you want a skunk of all things?”

  “It was at the pet store,” Luke said, stepping between North and me. “She thought it was cute. Stop yelling.”

  “Well, now it’s here!” North said. He pointed his finger at Luke again. “And I’m not yelling. Where are we going to keep it? And that still doesn’t explain the mess in the kitchen. And the car and your phones. And then with Sang…”

  Luke raised his hands in the air, waving them. “Whatever!” He walked toward the door, making a circle around North. “You’re not going to listen. You’re just going to yell.”

  “Where are you going?” North said, turning to face him in full.

  “Maybe if I leave, you’ll stop yelling,” Luke said. “You’re scaring Sang. If you’re going to keep yelling, follow me and leave her out of it.”

  North spun to face me, sizing me up.

  I pulled myself further back against the wall, dipping my head toward my knees. I wanted to help, but my mouth and brain refused to connect. I’d fought with North before, and I knew I should stand up to him in that moment but I’d been caught in such a compromising position, and felt so awkward. Not to mention, my brain was just done from the long day.

  I didn’t blame Luke for wanting to get out of the room. North seemed so angry, I wasn’t sure if even I could do anything about it.

  “If I hear yelling, I swear, North…I’m not doing this in front of her.” Luke disappeared into the hallway, his footsteps echoing.

  I understood why he left, but the moment he was gone, I was sad that he had. Things were left unsaid and the fun time we were having was gone.

  Silence filled the space as North looked at me. Then, suddenly he turned toward the door, like he meant to go after Luke. Only he just stood there, his shoulders heaving as he breathed.

  My mind was in a frenzy, and I wished that I could turn back time. Luke had said something important to me, and now I wasn’t even sure if he had really said it. After everything else, it had shocked me and I was still warm all over. It felt like something I had dreamed up during a heated moment, and now even the kiss felt like it had happened to someone else, perhaps in a movie.

  Luke had said it before though. He admitted to being afraid I would leave. Since it wasn’t the first time, he must have really been worried about it.

  Was that why he was so distant? Was he afraid that I’d be leaving?

  THE CHOICE

  North slammed his palm against the frame of the door. His shoulders were rising and falling with every deep breath he took.

  Should I try to explain? I waited. I didn’t want to say anything first.

  North started to whisper. It was the same line over and over, rising in volume with each breath until I finally heard him.

  “I don’t know,” he said in a rasp, deep and unnerving. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

  “North?” I said quietly, scared but too afraid to let him continue.

  He turned slowly toward me.

  In a flash, I recalled the first time I’d met him, with the shadows around his eyes and that dark hair, the black clothes, and the way his face made him look so scary. He was so intimidating.

  He was that way now, his expression a mix of confusion and anger. Yet there was something different now, but I couldn’t tell what it was.

  He stepped backward, leaning with his back against the door as he looked at me. He swallowed, breathed in deeply and then exhaled through his lips. “I think I just fucked up,” he said.

  I pressed my lips together, inclining my head in a nod. I wanted to talk him through—no more arguing. “Are you okay? You came to look for us?”

  “I saw you on the cameras when you were both downstairs,” he said, “while driving in from downtown. I was just trying to get here and make sure nothing was wrong.” His eyebrows shifted up. “Your phone’s broken? I couldn’t reach you.”

  “I’d probably be worried, too, if you tried to call and couldn’t reach us.” Especially after the Volto scare. Slowly, ensuring the T-shirt was covering me and the boxers were in place, I searched on the bed for where I’d left the phone. I found it at the foot, underneath the towel I’d used. I swept back some of my still wet strands of hair as I checked the screen and pushed a button. It turned on but there wasn’t a recently called icon. “Are you sure you called me?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m sure,” he said. “I called Luke, too.”

  I checked messages and then the recently called list, but there was no record of North or anyone else having called. I held my phone out to him. “It doesn’t show it.”

  He came over, taking it from my hands and looking at the screen. “What the hell? Is it broken?”

  “Maybe it’s the storm,” I said. “Maybe it didn’t go through?”

  North sighed and dropped my phone back on the bed. “Maybe,” he said, his voice deep. He looked at me, his eyes softer now. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

  “You were worried.”

  “It’s been a long day.”

  I scooted back on the bed, offering him some space to sit.

  He sat down heavily, tilting the bed a little so I was sliding into him.

  He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees, and his face into his hands. His T-shirt tightened across his back. I touched it, feeling the wet material. “Maybe you should change,” I said.

  He seemed not to hear me. “Maybe this is too much for us,” he said, still with his hands covering his face. “Especially right now. We’re in the middle of everything. This is huge. It’s a lot to process. In theory, I’m okay with it and I thought I had a handle on it. I just…I couldn’t keep myself together seeing him with you like that.”

  I left my hand on his back, trying to be supportive.

  His admission of jealousy filled me with doubts “It’s all because of me,” I said quietly. “This is my fault.”

  North straightened up quickly, twisting his torso to look at me. Lightning flashed in his eyes. “Stop talking like that.”

  “Tell me if I wasn’t here in the middle, that you’d still be like this? Would you be this upset with Luke if I hadn’t been here? None of you would be so distracted if I wasn’t involved.”

  He growled and leaned over, putting a hand on the bed over my thighs as he glared at me. “Do you think you would have been better off staying in your house with your parents?”

  I might have been dead if it wasn’t for them, but that wasn’t my point. “I didn’t mean that part. This is about a complicated relationship that not everyone seems comfortable with. If we decide this isn’t for us…then it means I may have to leave.”

  He scowled at me. “We can figure something else out.”

  “I can’t…I can’t be with you and Luke, and then have you come in yelling at him. You’d hate it if Luke walked in on anything we were doing, right?”

  “I didn’t mean to,” he said. “I was coming home. Neither one of you were answering your phones. This is my room, I never thought for a second you’d be in here…with him…like that. Now there’s a
mess of the Chinese food downstairs. Apparently, there was a hungry skunk in the house.”

  I sighed. “The skunk is a long story. We were just…Sorry.”

  He frowned and then reached up, capturing my chin between his fingers. “I have been worried. You need to decide, Sang. You need to figure out if this is for you.”

  “I’m more worried about you,” I said. “And Luke and the others. I don’t want to say yes, sound selfish, and then what if someone doesn’t want to belong? I won’t just be able to take it all back.”

  “But I can’t be in this if you’re not in it,” he said. He released my chin to cup my face in his hand. “I need you to believe this. That this is what you want.”

  “I want to,” I said, although my voice faltered. “I just don’t know what to want. I don’t what it all means. And I’m worried. Plus there’s the thing at school…”

  “Don’t worry about school,” he said. “But I need you to figure out if this is for you. Despite what Mr. Blackbourne said before, you have to be at the center of this, or it’ll never work.”

  I wanted to believe in the plan. Lily had it easier. She didn’t know anything until they confronted her about it. She’d mentioned she had a hard time with it, but I thought if I’d just stayed out of it until they were all in agreement, it would all work out.

  North eased closer, scooping me up to move my legs over his thighs. He leaned over me and his nose bumped mine. “Baby,” he said, the anger gone, his voice deep and soothing. “If you tell me you can’t, I won’t push it.”

  I sighed. “I just need to think on it. It’s hard to know what you’re working for when you can’t see what it might be like. I’ve never…It’s not like I’ve had much experience with relationships in any normal sense.”

  He smirked a little and then shook his head slightly, his nose touching mine. Then he tilted his head, his lips tracing mine as he spoke. “Fuck normal,” he said.

  I started to smile, but he stopped it with a kiss.

  UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES

  Despite what North was saying, I still felt I needed the boys on my side before daring to suggest I was for the plan. A few of them were for it, some I wasn’t sure about, but knowing at least the majority was interested would at least meant maybe it wasn’t such a crazy idea.