The Other Side of Envy Read online

  My neighbor, Derrick, once told me they’d done that when they were much younger. “What happened to him?”

  “He married Pam. I thought for sure when he married again he’d stop being an ass, but then one night he was out drunk driving again. Then he was a pancake.”

  His hand lifted from mine and he touched solemnly at the three black earrings in his ear.

  I gingerly reached out, touching the crest of his ear where the black rings started. I’d always wondered why he changed the crystals, but the black rings always remained. Three, one for each family member who died. “How old was your brother?”

  “Almost one,” he said. He took my hand, squeezed it and then brought it to his lips, kissing the knuckle. “I’d barely gotten to know him. Then he was gone. I was alone for a long time, until the Academy. Now I’ve got a new family. And I mean, there’s Pam. She tried taking care of me, but she got a bad deal out of this. A lot of debt and a stepson who misbehaved a lot. I end up taking care of her these days. She works some, but she prefers to drink and get men to buy her drinks.”

  What would it be like to get married to someone like Gabriel’s father? And then a year later become a widow and the last one to care for Gabriel? “She tried,” I said. “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “Yeah,” he said. He perked up a bit, smiled. “Okay, I’ve told you a bunch of shit. That all you want to know?”

  There were so many questions. I wanted to ask about the Academy, about what other secrets he had. The more I learned, the more I realized I didn’t know. The other boys had been together for years, and probably knew a lot of this; I was trying to catch up.

  Gabriel was quiet for a long moment. He took up my hand again, and then brought it to his lips. He kissed my palm. “I never thought you’d come here.”

  I stared at him quietly for a moment. Mr. Blackbourne said to trust the boys and to get to know them. I wanted to try. “Why not?”

  “It’s not exactly...I mean it isn’t like Victor’s house. Hell, it’s not even like Kota’s or Silas’s.”

  “I like your room.”

  He smirked and shook his head. “You like anything.”

  I scoffed. “No I don’t.”

  He rolled his eyes and then his body jerked as he pulled out his vibrating phone. “Fuck me, they said I’d be off today.”

  “Who is it?” I asked.

  “Kota,” he said. He stood up. “Hang on a second? I’ve got to...” He nodded toward the bedroom door.

  My heart dropped in my chest. He needed to talk about something to do with the Academy. It reminded me that even as far as I’d come within the group, I still wasn’t really a part of it. There were secrets that floated around us, and they couldn’t tell me everything. I started to get up. “You want me to leave?” I asked.

  He twisted his lips and then shook his head. He walked toward the door. “Don’t worry. I’ll just be in the bathroom for a minute. Don’t move.”

  Gabriel left. I listened as another door opened down the hallway. He closed that door and then talked. Through the thin walls of the trailer, I could hear his voice, but not what he said.

  I sighed and then flopped back onto the floor. I tugged my own phone out of my bra for something to play with while he was gone.

  I smoothed my thumb over the surface of the pink iPhone in my hand. Somehow, the movement brought my focus back. Mr. Blackbourne had brought me here for a reason. After our conversation earlier, it’d be a shame if Gabriel got called away and I hadn’t yet mentioned what I was thinking. I just thought I’d have all day to get around to it. Since it was still early, I assumed I’d have plenty of time.

  It didn’t help that I kept putting it off.

  Why would Kota be calling? Wasn’t he busy with the kids we found earlier?

  I turned on my phone, checking the screen. It was still open to the conversation with Mr. Blackbourne, a reminder of what I needed to do. Somehow, it felt like I could make up for my refusal to do what he wanted by doing what we agreed on as quickly as possible. If Gabriel wasn’t already on my side, I wanted to win his approval before I spoke to Mr. Blackbourne again.

  When I checked the general text inbox, two more messages had come in while I was with Gabriel. I hadn’t felt the vibration. Maybe it was while I was playing with Gabriel out in the living room.

  Silas: Miss you.

  Nathan: Coming back tonight? Do I need to pick you up?

  I wasn’t sure how to respond to either. Telling Silas I missed him too felt like an invitation for him to come get me. I didn’t know the answer to Nathan’s questions, either. I suppose I had to go back at some point, though. My school books and school clothes were at home, and there was school tomorrow. Would it be inconvenient if I asked to stay the night?

  And what if Gabriel needed to go now? I didn’t want to be here alone. Instead of responding, I listened to Gabriel’s voice through the wall. I studied the mural, waiting for him to come back. I was sad to think I’d have to cut my visit with Gabriel short due to an emergency.

  Suddenly, Gabriel’s voice was louder and he pushed open his bedroom door, still with the phone to his ear, and spoke to me.

  “We’ve got to go, Sang,” he said. His crystal eyes were wide. His lips tight.

  Fear prickled my spine. Something wasn’t right. I jumped up quickly, tucking my phone back into my bra. “Where? What’s happened?”

  Gabriel walked across the room, stuffed his feet into a pair of boots sitting by the bed and then turned toward me, pushing me toward the door. He talked into the phone. “I’ve got her. Heading toward the road.”

  The road. Someone’s on the way to pick us up? I bit back my questions for now, wanting to just go along. Kota’s voice was filled with alarm as he continue to talk to Gabriel, but I couldn’t make out his words.

  Yes, something was wrong. We had to run.

  Gabriel grabbed his wallet off the dresser and then led the way out the bedroom door. I found my sandals and put them on. He picked up the shirt he’d stripped off earlier, and shoved an arm through a sleeve as I went to the front door.

  “Where are you going?” Pam shouted from somewhere deeper in the trailer.

  “Out!” Gabriel shouted back. “Have to go to the school!”

  I stared nervously toward the back from where Pam had shouted. She was a parent. Would she come out and demand to know where he was going? Give him a curfew? Ask why he had to be at the school on a Sunday afternoon?

  She said nothing further, though. Gabriel hurried me through the front door. I went down the steps as he closed up behind us.

  Outside, there wasn’t a car. Was Kota on the way?

  Gabriel ran down the steps, grabbed my hand and started moving away from the driveway, around the trailer through the yard, toward the woods near his window.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I followed. I was walking through the high grass in the neighbor’s lawn and imagined creepy-crawly bugs as I waded through in my sandals.

  Gabriel tugged again at my hand. “Just move your pretty ass, will you?”

  I pressed my lips together and followed him.

  My eyes blurred from the change of the warm house to the cooler air outside. He found a trail through the woods and cut through the trees to get to it. I scrambled behind him to keep up. Everything around me was a blur of brown trees and fallen leaves as I hurried.

  Once we were well along the path and the trees masked our location from any of the trailers and the road, Gabriel slowed down. My cheeks were warm, while the rest of my face was freezing and my nose felt like it was going to drip. I sniffed and pushed a hand to my face to try to warm it. My heart was beating hard. I checked out the path behind us.

  Gabriel still had his phone in his hand, occasionally having to use that arm to push branches out of the way. He pressed the phone to his ear and talked into it. “Okay, we’re out of sight. Headed to the back road. I didn’t see anyone. Okay. Okay. Okaaaay.” He hung up, and then blew out a heavy
breath.

  “What is it?” I asked, squeezing his hand.

  “Kota says Mr. McCoy was tracked nearby, headed toward my house,” he said, frowning. He shoved the phone into his back pocket and then tugged me again along the path. “Luke’s on the way to pick us up. We’ve got someone following Mr. McCoy to try to find out why he’s looking to check me out.”

  My throat closed up. McCoy. What did he want with Gabriel? Or was he after me? Did he know I was there? I checked behind us, seeking out his bristled-mustached face as if he’d appear at any moment.

  Gabriel turned to me. His hair that he’d combed hung over his face, the blond locks and a bit of the russet swept together. His cheeks were pink. His crystal eyes were wide and wild, but as he looked at me, they softened. He stopped walking and faced me, pulling me in until he could hold my cheeks in his hands.

  “He’s not going to get you,” he said quietly. “You’re my Trouble. Remember? He’ll have to get through me first. And he never will.”

  I nodded, and then my phone started to buzz against my chest. I looked at him, wanting to respond to what he said but thrown off by the phone.

  Gabriel’s eyebrow lifted. “What?”

  I fumbled for the phone. He backed up and our arms knocked together as I was taking the phone out. It flipped from my hands and landed nearby on the ground.

  I gritted my teeth. Did I break another one?

  Gabriel bent over and reached for it, lifting it carefully. “Shit,” he said. “The screen’s cracked.”

  “Ugh,” I said. “Victor will want to buy another one.”

  “Why?” he asked. “We’ll just get the screen replaced.” He smoothed his hand over the phone, checking the thin web of cracks across the screen. “Besides, it looks like the plastic thingie is holding it together. The glass isn’t falling out. You can still use it for a while until we get it repaired.”

  Maybe replacing the screen wouldn’t cost that much. “Maybe I could get it done before Victor finds out?” I asked. I’d rather he didn’t know and wanted to replace it just because. He seemed to do that a lot. I had money I earned from working at the diner, although I wasn’t sure how much replacing a phone screen would cost.

  Gabriel opened his mouth like he would answer me, and then his lips stilled. He studied the screen. “Mr. Blackbourne sent you a message,” he said quietly.

  My heart again did a flip. I was going to have anxiety issues after so many shocks to the system. Was it more news about Mr. McCoy?

  “What’s he going on about?” he asked, still in the same soft tone. He passed the phone to me, the phone lit up to where Mr. Blackbourne’s message had come through.

  It was a long note that went on for several text messages.

  Mr. Blackbourne: I apologize if I seemed forward at breakfast. I realize that I should have asked if you were comfortable with us looking into your past.

  Mr. Blackbourne: We only meant to provide answers rather than questions. We made assumptions and failed to think of your feelings. We should discuss this next time we meet.

  Mr. Blackbourne: Perhaps we should make a regular meeting for ourselves. Would Sunday breakfasts be suitable? You’re welcome any time, of course.

  I wasn’t sure where to start. Standing in the middle of the wood with Gabriel staring at me questioningly and Mr. McCoy possibly on our tail… Mr. Blackbourne was the only one who could send it all away with only a few sentences, as if it wasn’t even there. It was just him and me alone in a still world, even when he wasn’t here.

  He wanted to talk about it more. I wasn’t ready. He wanted to see me regularly outside of school.

  A knot formed tightly in my chest. I wanted to. I liked him. I wanted to impress Mr. Blackbourne. I wanted to do whatever he asked.

  How could I ever turn him down again? How would I even begin to explain it?

  “Sang?” Gabriel asked quietly.

  Suddenly, the breeze picked up around us and I was next to Gabriel again. I hadn’t even realized he’d touched my shoulder, holding onto it and staring at me.

  “What’s going on?” he asked. “What’s all that mean? And why do you look like you’re about to cry? Why are you crying?”

  I wasn’t, or didn’t think I was. It’d been a busy morning, with a lot of ups and downs and fears thrown at me all at once.

  “What past is he talking about?” Gabriel asked when I hadn’t answered him. “I didn’t mean to read it if it’s private...I just picked it up and...”

  “He was looking into my real mother,” I said quietly. It was what I was thinking, and really hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but Gabriel’s imploring eyes were willing me to say something, anything.

  Gabriel took my phone away and put it into his pocket. He held my hands in his and looked down at me. “I heard they were. I didn’t know if they found anything.”

  “They haven’t,” I said. “He wants me to talk to my stepmother to see if she has any answers.”

  “And you didn’t want to talk to her?”

  “I don’t want to know,” I said hurriedly, the words rushing out. I couldn’t tell Mr. Blackbourne this. I’d disappoint him. With Gabriel, though, I thought he would understand. “Why look into it?” I asked him. “Is it really important? Shouldn’t we worry about now? The present? About us? We’ve got Mr. McCoy running around after us, and school, and then there’s how I’m going to get away with living with Nathan for however long without my father or anyone else finding out.”

  He stared blankly at me for a moment, holding my hands and warming them between his.

  “Am I wrong?” I asked. “I mean, if it won’t change us now, why look into it?” That was it. It was what I was feeling. Why look at the past? McCoy was right behind us. We shouldn’t even be here talking about it.

  Time passed. The leaves around us danced in the breeze. I wanted to say more, to stand up for what I felt was the right thing. Looking into the past would also be dangerous. It meant talking to my stepmother, possibly alerting her to what was going on. If she got into another rampage at the hospital, the staff could call the police. Dr. Green and the others might not be able to stop her from talking about it at all. A real police investigation would start. That’s the last thing Mr. Blackbourne wanted.

  Gabriel sighed and nodded slowly. “We should focus on us,” he said. “You’re right. And they…we should have asked you first if you wanted to know.”

  I soared then, floating where I stood. If Gabriel understood, if he was on my side, then it’d be okay. Maybe he could help me explain it to the others. “I want to join the Academy,” I said, trying to bring us away from the discussion of my mother. “I want to get in so I can be with you.” I’d meant to say with you guys, but my voice cracked and while my lips moved, the word was lost in the moment.

  It didn’t matter. That part was true. Gabriel was important to me. He was so brilliant and beautiful. I’d join for the others and I’d join the group for him.

  His mouth fell open. He removed one of his hands to rub the back of his neck. “Shit, Sang, you really like asking for the impossible.”

  I huffed, my eyes widening. What did he mean?

  “I kind of was hoping you didn’t want to get in,” he said. He shook his head. “It’s complicated. More than you might think. I don’t know if anyone told you.”

  “We have to all get along and agree for me to get in,” I said.

  “It’s more than that,” he said. His mouth twisted into a frown. “I don’t know the answers. I was just kind of hoping you’d keep going how we were. Where you help us every once in a while. It’s less of a chance you’d end up somewhere else.”

  Could that happen? “Luke once said they’d put me with another group. Or that I’d choose another group. But I don’t want another one.”

  Gabriel grimaced. “Yeah, you say that...”

  I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t come up with the words. Why was it they didn’t believe I’d stay? There really must be more to it. �
��I don’t understand,” I said. “What would make me change my mind?”

  “The Academy isn’t...” he fumbled, and then shook his head. “It’s complicated. I’m not even sure how much I’m supposed to tell you.” He waved his hand through the air. “For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know. And I’ve been in it for a while.” He found my hand and tugged it. “Let’s go meet Luke. He’ll be able to explain it better.”

  The path narrowed in front of us, and I stayed as close as I could to Gabriel. We marched on for several minutes in silence. I held tight to his hand, his slim fingers entangled so tightly with mine it almost hurt. I couldn’t let go. He was my only shield now and I needed to hang on. He breathed heavily as he walked. Was he afraid, too?

  But he was on my side. He knew what I was worried about, what I really wanted. He understood me. I wanted to talk to him more, to tell him all the little secrets in my head. I needed more time with him.

  Gabriel was the answer I was looking for. Someone to confide in. I was supposed to do that with Mr. Blackbourne, but I thought if I discussed things with Gabriel, he’d help me figure out how to say things properly, so I wouldn’t get into the predicament I was in with Mr. Blackbourne now, with misunderstandings between us.

  I needed Gabriel.

  THE THREE AMIGOS PLAN

  Soon, Gabriel and I spilled out to a small lane. There was nothing along it but rows of trees on either side. Branches stuck out over the road, shadowing the black asphalt.

  A black SUV was parked further up the road, facing away from us. Gabriel waved. A series of honks came from the car: one, two, silence, three, silence, four, five.

  “That’s Luke,” Gabriel said.

  Code? I wondered how he knew. I remembered Volto, though, and how he’d tricked me before, making me approach the SUV cautiously, seeking out Luke’s face.