The Other Side of Envy Read online

  His mouth swooped in against mine again and again. He tilted his head slightly, until I felt the need to angle my head the other way. His hands curled under my thighs, drawing them higher, until I was off the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He held me by my thighs against the door.

  “Sang,” he breathed against my lips before he dove in for another kiss. “Trouble...fuck...” He’d break the kiss only for a second, only to utter one word, but would return, meeting my lips over and over again. “Stop...wait...” he dove his head in, suckling at my lower lip. “Stop...for a...second...”

  Stop? I didn’t understand. Only I couldn’t back away, because I was against the door. And I couldn’t let go of him, because he had me up off the ground. I tightened my arms around his neck, simply trying to hang on. His kisses were making me dizzy.

  “Stop...Sang.” He grunted into the kiss, making his lips vibrate against mine. He sucked at my lip again before releasing it, parting his lips and diving in hard against my mouth, as if trying devour me.

  He grunted again, his fingers gripping my thighs. He lifted me away from the door. He turned, holding onto me, and stumbled forward. His kisses alone made me dizzy, and with my eyes closed, I didn’t know where he was going.

  His mouth sought out my lips again. I responded, kissing him back.

  “Sang,” he breathed against my lips.

  I kissed him again, unable to find my voice, not having anything to say. I didn’t want to stop, because I didn’t want to think outside what was happening. I was thinking of Gabriel. Of his handsome face, and the way his fingers massaged my scalp when he washed my hair, and the beautiful art he did. I thought of today, us running through the woods. The chaotic meeting with Lily was complicated. This was simple. I’d been a jumble of feelings and he was here and his kiss was soothing it all.

  He stumbled forward, me still in his arms. His teeth grazed my lip. “Sang,” he said, his voice a little stronger, almost stern. “Stop. Fuck.” Kiss. “Sang.” Stumble forward. “Stop.”

  But his lips sought out mine again. I didn’t understand. I parted my lips more, mimicking as my teeth grazed against his lower lip.

  “Fuck shit...” he called out, and he stumbled forward again, careening to the left and going down.

  Gabriel landed on his knees, tilting forward, and letting go of one of my thighs to land a palm on the floor. I was hanging on by my arms around his neck and my legs grabbing around his waist, while he held himself up with one arm. I stopped kissing simply to hang on, clinging to him desperately.

  “Fuck, Sang,” he said. “I can’t walk when you do that.”

  I kissed his lips again to smother a giggle. He wanted me to stop because he couldn’t walk around with me? Why was he trying to walk?

  He grunted and carefully lowered me until I was on my back on the carpet. His palms slid across my thighs, up my hips, until he was holding me at the waist, as if trying to hold me down against the floor. His lips dove in again against my mouth. I felt the ribs of his tank pressing against my stomach.

  I kept my arms wrapped around his neck, unsure of where else to put them. His kisses made sparks that zeroed into my heart. His hands warmed me as his palms traced across my skin, feeling my sides, sliding across my hips. My body was electrified and felt every bit of him pressing on top of me. His lips were demanding—exactly what I would have expected from him, like when he would take my hair clip or tell me how to dress. He used his teeth and lips to nip until it almost hurt, but it was an exquisite pain. He needed this. It was comforting to me, feeling needed.

  I never wanted to stop. I hadn’t been sure how he felt about me. Today, I’d been worried that our meeting had lost something between us. But kissing him reconfirmed this was Gabriel and whatever was between us, it was magic.

  The door to his bedroom rattled and then swung open. “Gabe, I thought I told you...Holy Mary, Joseph and Jesus.”

  Gabriel jerked himself back until he was on his knees between my legs, turning to face Pam. Then suddenly he slammed his knees together, and bent over. For a second, I thought something hurt in his sudden movements, because he covered the entire front of his boxers. “Get out,” he roared at her.

  Pam’s eyes were glossy, her lips smeared with red lipstick, but she focused on us on the floor and then made the sign of the cross against her body. “Thank you, Jesus.”

  Gabriel nearly barked through his growling, shooting up from the floor and colliding with the door. He shoved Pam out of the way before he slammed it. “Get the fuck out,” he called out. He kept his front to the door, pressing his shoulder into it.

  Pam pounded at the door. “Gabe, you better pick a better spot than the dirty floor. Sang doesn’t need to get all scuffed up on the carpet.”

  “Shut up,” he said.

  The door lurched against him, as if she was trying to wedge it open. It forced him to use his back instead, using his legs to help hold it closed. “And you better wear a fucking condom. I don’t want to be a grandmother. I’m too young for that.”

  Gabriel gazed over at me on the floor, his face red and blotchy, eyes wild, his chest heaving as he breathed hard. I propped myself up onto my elbows, but couldn’t dare move from where I was. I was too embarrassed about her comment about condoms, and terrified she’d come in again.

  When it sounded like Pam had moved away from the door, Gabriel breathed out a loud sigh, sliding to the floor onto his butt. His head rolled back against the door, but he kept his eyes on me. “Just shoot me now, okay?”

  I eased myself up until I was propped up on my hands. “Gabriel,” I called to him softly. I didn’t know how else to respond. His stepmom and her behavior wasn’t his fault.

  My calling to him seemed to catch his attention. He picked himself up and started knee-walking across the floor.

  When he was about halfway to me, the bedroom door opened again. Pam’s thin hand poked in. She dropped a handful of silver foil-wrapped condoms onto the floor and then closed the door again.

  Gabriel growled, pushing a palm to his eye. “Fuck me,” he said.

  The heat of a blush radiated from my face all the way down to my toes. I didn’t want to imagine what Pam thought we were doing. I was nowhere near ready for that, especially after today.

  Gabriel bypassed me and crawled to his bed, hauling himself up until he was sprawled out on his back, gazing up at the ceiling. He sighed heavily. “What the hell are we doing, Sang?”

  I didn’t have an answer for him. My mouth felt glued shut. I could still feel a bit of his saliva at the corners of my mouth, but I didn’t want to wipe it away.

  Gabriel crushed his palms into his eyes. “What the hell am I going to do? I can’t...I don’t have a favor left... I don’t...I didn’t mean to.”

  My mouth fell open, horror-struck. “You didn’t want to?” I asked quietly, surprising myself with the question.

  He dropped his hands and turned his head, gazing at me on the floor. “You’re too beautiful for your own good, you know?”

  My cheeks heated again, and my hand shifted up until a finger fluttered against my lip. The mix of emotions and tiredness had me so anxious.

  “See? Even like that. Even when you look like you’re scared and all girl crazy.” He dropped his head back against the pillow, covering his face with his elbow. “I can’t look at you anymore. I just want to kiss the fuck out of you. There’s no way...What the hell would you want with a guy like me?”

  A guy like him? Was he kidding? Beautiful Gabriel, my ever-demanding artist. What in the world was he thinking?

  I lifted myself from the floor, moving quietly until I was at the foot of the bed. I crawled forward, hovering over him. I didn’t want him to be upset because his stepmom embarrassed him. That didn’t matter to me.

  Gabriel moved his arm from his head, his face lighting up in surprise. “Sang...wait,” he said. His hands captured mine and almost pushed, as if trying to get me to back off, but weakly.

  I planted a ha
nd on his chest to hold myself steady and lowered down until I could kiss his cheek. It seemed important.

  He breathed against my face. “Sang...” he whispered. “God, please, don’t tease me. I can’t take it.”

  I didn’t know what he meant by teasing. I moved until I was kissing his other cheek. I lifted my head and then kissed his brow. “Gabriel,” I whispered against his skin. Gabriel meant a lot to me and I had to prove it to him somehow. I didn’t like how he so easily pushed me away. It felt too much like rejection and I couldn’t take it. Not after today.

  Gabriel grunted. “Fuck it,” he said. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in. His lips found my face, close to my ear. “I can’t stop myself when you say my name like that.” His lips met my ear, kissing the lobe, gently pulling it between his teeth.

  I didn’t understand what he meant. When his kisses trailed across the crest of my cheek, I couldn’t think of anything other than to whisper his name again. “Gabriel?”

  “Like that,” he said against my skin. “You say the whole thing every time. You never shorten it. And that voice.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “I’d keep you up all night just to hear it.”

  I turned my head slightly until my lips brushed against his. Shorten his name? The others occasionally called him Gabe. He liked it when I called him Gabriel. I’d call him that forever.

  Gabriel lifted his body, turning until I spilled over on my side on the bed. He propped his head up on his elbow, gazing down at me. His fingers slid across my cheek, catching one of the locks of hair against my face. He curled my hair between his fingers. “Why’d you have to be so perfect?” he asked. “I can’t stand dressing you.”

  I swallowed to recover my voice. “You’re always telling me what to wear.”

  “Nothing is ever good enough,” he said. He combed my hair with his fingers. “I feel like I’m putting rags on porcelain. I barely tolerate the things you do wear.”

  I thought if he said any more, that I’d break into a dozen pieces. He was being so sweet, saying things that melted my heart. He never told me this before. Now it was overwhelming.

  I drifted a hand up, catching his blond locks in my fingers like he did mine. I brushed his hair between my fingertips, feeling the smoothness. “I love how you do your hair,” I said. I wanted to give him something. I didn’t want the moment to pass without telling him what I’d always thought and hadn’t dared to tell him. I combed my fingers into the blond, until it combined with the russet brown in the back. “I like how it’s two different colors.”

  “Mr. Blackbourne says it’s too punk,” Gabriel said. “He always wants me to change it.”

  “No,” I said, whining a bit. “I like it. It’s you.”

  Gabriel’s mouth cocked into a smirk. “Are you calling me a punk?”

  Who was teasing who now? “Will you just let me compliment your hair?”

  “Is that why you let me kiss you? Because you like my hair?”

  I huffed at him. He was fishing for more compliments, I knew. I was going to retort with something funny but I stopped myself. He probably expected it. I didn’t want to fall into a mouthy battle with him. “I love it when you sing,” I said. “Like when I first met you and you were singing my name.”

  Gabriel held his smirk, but it faltered at the corner. “Sang...”

  “And I love the way you tell me what to wear. Even when you’re not around, you make sure I pick the right clothes. Like how you line up my clothes in Nathan’s closet. It’s like that you’re always around me even when you’re not.”

  He inhaled sharply. “Sang,” he said in a whisper.

  “And I like when you wash my hair,” I said. “I like how your fingers rub against my scalp.”

  Gabriel drew in close, his lips parting and zeroing in on my mouth.

  But I had things to say, and he was trying to stop me. I backed my head up a little, until his lips only met my cheek. “And I love your bedroom. I wish I had one like this. And I’m completely jealous of how you can draw. I wish I could see all the other murals you’ve made.”

  “Shush,” he said, and his hand drew up against my thigh, popping me lightly. He tried to zero in on my lips again, but I turned my head, making him kiss my other cheek.

  “And I love the earrings,” I said. “Even the black ones. I like the crystals. I like how you pick different colors all the time.”

  “Sang,” he said sharply. He gathered himself up, hovering over me. His hands sought out my chin, holding me steady. “I said shush.”

  “And I love how you smell different every time I see you.”

  “Shut up.”

  “And I loved the time when my mom was keeping me in the closet...”

  “Sang.”

  “And I managed to get into the bathroom, and you were there...”

  His head lowered, until his lips teased over my mouth. “Sang,” he breathed out. “Stop.”

  Like I was going to stop now? It was hard enough to get started talking sometimes. Now I was spilling things and I didn’t dare stop. “And I told you to go away and you scrambled in after me. You sat in the closet with me, even when we could have gotten into so much trouble...”

  His lips lowered, smothering my voice. His mouth covered mine, swallowing me up and diving back in for more. After a moment, he broke off, hovering. “You are Trouble,” he whispered. “You’ve been Trouble since I met you.”

  “Meanie,” I whispered.

  He lowered his mouth again, his lips brushing against mine. His head tilted, until his mouth locked against mine tightly. He leaned over me, until I rolled onto my back on the bed. His mouth and body followed where I went. His fingers slid up the side of my neck, until they snagged into my hair, and he positioned my head, tilting me where he wanted me as he kissed at my mouth.

  Suddenly, he broke off, drawing his head back and frowning down at me. “And who the fuck taught you how to kiss?”

  I blinked up at him, having forgotten my own thoughts as he kissed me. “Um...” I started, unsure how to say it. “Silas said...” My eyes widened. I hadn’t meant to say it. My head was cloudy after his kiss.

  “Ah,” he said, his crystal eyes glowed. “So that’s how the Greeks kiss, huh?”

  I blushed, nodding. He didn't seem angry about it. That was better than I feared.

  His eyes drifted to every corner of my face, as if tracing the lines. “Did he show you how the French kiss?”

  I blushed, shaking my head.

  The corner of his mouth teased up. “Still have a few things to show you then, I guess.”

  Gabriel lowered his head again, and started kissing me like before. I got lost in his lips, and kissed in response, parting my lips and opening my mouth, letting him guide me how he wanted me.

  His tongue darted into my mouth. The tip touched mine.

  I jolted, sparked by the sudden sensation of his tongue touching mine. It caused me to back my head up a little, breaking the kiss, as I stared at him in surprise.

  Gabriel looked back at me, his eyes wide. “What?”

  “Sorry,” I said, my cheeks heating up. “I wasn’t expecting...”

  He grinned. He lowered his head again at me. His lips parted and this time he dipped his tongue into my mouth, finding mine.

  I let it happen, not moving at first. I couldn’t figure out how to move my mouth like Silas had told me to when he had his tongue in my mouth.

  To get him to show me what I was supposed to do, I moved my tongue against his, pushing his back into his mouth, so I could put mine in his. Silently, I was asking him what to do.

  He held tightly to me when I did this, his fingers gripped in my hair. He suckled at my tongue, drawing his lips along it until his mouth popped when he released. He dove back in, shoving his tongue back.

  So I copied him.

  Gabriel moaned. Just as I released his tongue, he broke his head away and sighed. “Shit,” he said. “Better than the biting.”

  Was th
at the same for him? It was a surprising comment. The biting North and I had discovered was…exciting. In a different way. For Gabriel, he got the same feeling from this French kiss?

  He backed up, curling me into him tightly so we were on our sides, pressed into each other tightly. He occasionally kissed my face or my mouth, but he seemed satisfied now.

  Gabriel managed to flick one of his blankets around us. At some point, we fell asleep together, legs and arms mixed up. It’d been a long day.

  I was shaken awake what felt like moments later, but the frog in my throat and the stiffness in my body told me I’d been in that position for much longer.

  I wasn’t sure what woke me at first, until the house around us started shaking. I sucked in a breath, holding it. Earthquake?

  “You let that boy get to your head,” a male voice barked.

  Gabriel groaned and then pulled me in closer, tucking my head into his shoulder. He covered my exposed ear with his hand. “Don’t listen,” he said. “They’re having a fight.”

  I stared wide-eyed into the darkness, my heart awake and pounding. I was trying to figure if this was a dream I was having or reality.

  Pam screamed at the man. The man yelled back at her. It was loud, slurred, and at times, I couldn’t understand anything except the occasional curse word, which often flew from their mouths at the same time.

  “Get him out here,” the man rumbled as more banging shook the walls. “It’s time you told him to get out and get a job instead of playing all day. He should contribute. I got a job when I was fourteen.”

  “He’s got a fucking job,” Pam said. “And he pays the bills.”

  “He pisses it away on his friends and stupid shit,” he said. “I saw that new Gameboy he bought and the receipts for new clothes. Did you see the ones that were for girl clothes? I bet he’s buying her things.”

  “He’s a teenager,” Pam yelled. “He’s paying his keep. You can’t yell at him just because you drank all the money.”

  “Usually she’s not here,” Gabriel whispered to me. “She stays out all night with him.” He rubbed his palm against my cheek. “They’ll calm down in a minute. If they don’t, we’ll get up and go. Maybe climb out the window.”