Love's Cruel Redemption (The Ghost Bird Series) Page 36

  Nathan didn’t answer that, wanting to say no to him.

  But part of him couldn’t come to terms with how he possibly made her feel through all of it. When it came to telling Erica about the truth, they’d all hesitated.

  They all thought it was too far to tell someone they trusted. So he wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do.

  And Sang. After seeing her face...His mind couldn’t let go of the hurt she’d had after it all. Could she forgive him after this? After seeing Danielle like that and then looking like he’d punched Gabriel?

  Liam got up and walked around the coffee table. He inspected the fireplace then bent down to a collection of logs set off to the side and sorted through them. “Come here a minute and help me with this.”

  Nathan went to him, standing nearby, and when Liam asked for kindling, Nathan handed it to him.

  Liam lit the fire, using a long match to get the kindling going. He monitored it while it was starting up. “You know, we made mistakes starting out. Bad ones.”

  “You did?”

  He nodded. “We tried to keep it from her. But when we told her how we felt, we all expected she’d pick one. Some of us were waiting for it. We did it the opposite of how you were talking. We assumed she wouldn’t accept the idea, and that she’d pick one. But we told her we wanted to stay together. She didn’t believe us.”

  “But she still ended up with you all together?”

  “She tried everything to get us to change our minds,” he said. “She thought it was selfish of her to have so many of us devoted to her. We couldn’t convince her we wanted this. We were dumb, too. We sent her on a date with someone outside the group once.”

  Nathan exhaled loudly. “Why?”

  “I think we were trying to convince ourselves she could date anyone she wanted. Or maybe we were punishing ourselves.” He left the fireplace lit and turned to him. The glow of the flames dancing around his face, the light wrinkles next to his eyes, and the course hairs grown out against his face creating some shadow. “I don’t even remember any more. We read all the books we were supposed to for a situation like ours, and it didn’t fit us at all. They were telling us to date, and then telling her to date everyone she wanted. Free love and all that shit. That’s not what we wanted at all.”

  “I don’t think Sang would date anyone else,” Nathan said.

  “I don’t want you to try. Not if that’s not what you want.” Liam put a hand on his shoulder supportively. “Listen, you all do need to talk to us. Because we can tell you all the stupid stuff we’ve done, and why it was stupid. And...maybe you won’t have to go through this alone like we did. Like when we finally told the Academy. Because you know you have to tell them. Sooner or later.”

  “We know,” Nathan said. “We were hoping for later. When we were sure.”

  “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t sure.” He smirked. “You aren’t the first team who came through that door trying to get a bird on a dog team, and not understanding why they were having relationship problems. The Academy sets up rules the way they do for reasons far wiser than we’d like to believe.”

  “We aren’t following to rules.”

  “They aren’t set in stone,” he said. “You know that. Not every rule works for every team. Sometimes you have to just do what’s right and see where you land. Have the Academy adjust to you, not you adjust to anyone else.”

  “Does that work with telling your friends? Family?”

  “Not all of us have to worry about that,” he said, his face hardening. “Lily and I...we don’t have any. None we want to be in contact with, anyway. The others we lied to. And we’ll continue to lie for the rest of our lives.”

  “You’d do that?”

  Liam scratched at the coarse hair around his chin and shrugged. “Who else needs to know about your real life? You’ll lie about the Academy. What matters is, you don’t lie to each other. You keep communication open. Always.”

  Nathan turned to the fire, allowing the flames to dazzle his attention. He hadn’t realized how cool the room was until the fire started warming his body. “This won’t matter if she doesn’t forgive me.”

  “I’ve a feeling she hasn’t been sitting idly by,” he said. He pulled a phone from his pocket. “I know Lily would be worried about me. Let me send word about where you are. Let her come to you.”

  “Now?”

  “Better than waiting,” he said. “Don’t make her wait to know how you feel. Don’t torture her like this.”

  He was right. Nathan nodded to him, his heart speeding up again, assuming Liam would get word back with questions. And he was a little more than concerned that they might ignore him completely, that they’d shun him after what happened.

  Liam only waited a few minutes when his phone lit up. It buzzed shortly with a message. “She’s on the way.” He put the phone in his pocket again. “Let’s get you cleaned up before she gets here. Someone might have some clothes that will fit.”

  Nathan absently scratched at his wrist, unsure about what he would say to her, but agreed that he needed to not be so tattered looking when she arrived.

  Hopefully she wasn’t coming to yell at him, upset about it all.

  Hopefully he hadn’t damaged all of this beyond repair.

  Where You Go, My Heart Follows

  Sang

  For hours, we searched. Nathan was all I could think about. None of the guys could console me. Once we’d realized he’d disappeared, I couldn’t do anything except look for him.

  The others had done the same.

  I was still with Victor and Luke, downtown near Victor’s house. There was hope he went to Victor’s given everyone else was on the other side of town.

  However, when we drove by, there was no sign of Kota’s car or him.

  I’d brought the journal with me. Somehow, amid all of this, I’d started writing to Nathan. In a way, it was everything I wanted to tell him and I couldn’t say to him yet because he wasn’t there. It was the only thing I could even focus on to pass the time until he decided to come back.

  I missed him.

  My heart ached.

  It was all rambling. A lot of it was just Nathan’s name written over and over.

  When North called Victor, I was a tense rubber band waiting to snap.

  Victor passed me the phone instantly. North spoke on the line. “He’s at Lily’s.”

  I sat up, nudging Victor’s arm. “We have to go to Lily’s.” I spoke to North. “We have to go.”

  “I know. I told them you were on the way. Do you want us to meet you there?”

  “Maybe you should give me some time first. I have to talk to him.”

  North grumbled. “I know. I got a call about my Jeep. It’s waiting. I’ll go pick it up. Your necklace better be in there...And once this is over, we’re going where I said we would.”

  I hadn’t forgotten about the necklace, but I did realize the police probably had it. I didn’t want to bug him about it through all of this. And after everything else, we’d been too busy to head out to the beach like he wanted. “Well someone had to go jump into the back of a truck.”

  “Next time, remind me of this,” he paused. “Tell Nathan we need him?”

  “I promise.”

  When I hung up, I was on the edge of my seat as Victor started the long drive out to Lily’s. Luke sat in the back, chewing on a thumbnail and staring out the side window. I was twisting my hands on my clothes, the seat, all without really thinking of what I was doing.

  I hoped he stayed there.

  I hoped he was okay.

  After a few miles, Victor finally reached out to me, touching my shoulder. “He’s there. He’ll talk to you.”

  “I hope so,” I said.

  He breathed in and then out through his lips, returning his hand to the wheel to make a turn. “Me, too.”

  It took some time to find the dark lane surrounded by trees and follow it to the end, until we came to the big white house. The porch light
was on. The room to the right, the library, was lit as well. I was familiar enough with it from the last time I was here, but since I hadn’t been here at night, the house felt spooky to me.

  Kota’s car was parked out front.

  Seeing it, it confirmed he was here, and my heart raced.

  Thank goodness.

  Still, I was intimidated once we got out of the car. I walked up with Luke and Victor beside me. I carried the journal from the car. I wasn’t sure why. I thought perhaps if I mumbled or couldn’t think of what to say, I’d just show that to him. With all my noncoherent sentences, I could only hope he understood.

  Luke held my hand tightly as we approached. “Just say you’re sorry.”

  “What does she have to be sorry for?” Victor asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s how I get North to calm down when he’s mad at me. I just say I’m sorry, even if I’m not.”

  I tried to smile. I knew he was trying to make me feel better. I squeezed his hand gently.

  Victor leaned in close to me. He reached for the doorbell.

  But before he rang it, the door opened.

  Liam looked out at us. He wore a sweater and jeans, his red-blond hair combed neatly and he was barefoot. He urged us back so he could join us on the porch and closed the door behind himself.

  “We were waiting for you,” he said. He looked at me. “He needs to talk to you.”

  “I know.”

  He held up a hand, palm facing me. “I just need to make sure...you know what really happened, right? About that girl harassing him? Using what info she had to get him to do what she wanted?”

  I nodded repeatedly. “Yes, I know.”

  “And you don’t hold it against him?”

  “Never!” I said. “It just surprised me. And with who was there, I didn’t want the others seeing me so shocked.” I didn’t want to go into what really upset me right on the porch, about the doubts I had with going through with it. Not now. For Nathan, I needed to be confident.

  “Why are you asking her all this?” Victor said, stepping in front of me a bit. “Look, I know you’re trying to help, but we need to talk about this with him.”

  “She needs to do it,” Liam said. “But I wasn’t going to let you pass if you were just coming in to belittle and shame him. I’ve heard his side. I’m sure you all have reasons for what happened this week, but I can’t allow you to go in and destroy him any more than he’s destroying himself right now. His mental health is at stake.”

  I stilled, hovering where I was on the porch, looking to Luke and Victor. Luke’s face was tense, but he nodded in agreement. Victor seemed to relax.

  “Then if you aren’t here to ostracize him and kick him from the group, you can talk to him,” he said. “But you should do it.” He pointed to me.

  I stepped forward, easing Victor to the side. “I’ll go.”

  “He’s in the library,” he said. “First door on your right. To keep the noise down, I’ll stay out here with your friends.” He motioned to them. “Let’s get off the porch. It echoes.”

  Liam left the porch with the others, having them step out into the yard. Luke and Victor continued to look back at me while I was in view.

  I was more intimidated stepping into the house alone. The foyer’s air was cool, and the space dim. When I closed the door behind myself, I stilled. How desperate I’d been to get to him, yet here I was, so close and hesitating.

  Part of me was worried I’d done something horrible to Nathan. Liam had said he was destroying himself.

  He didn’t deserve to feel like that. I did. I should have come after him sooner.

  The thin bit of light coming from the library drew my attention. He was in there. Waiting.

  What was I going to say?

  “Sang?” a woman’s voice whispered from the stairs.

  Startled, I jolted where I stood.

  Lily was standing on the top step. Like a ghost, she descended, coming to me. Her footsteps were light on the stairs, barely making a sound. Her pale face loomed close.

  She whispered to me. “Don’t tell Liam, but I’ve been listening to them talk in the library.”

  So she knew everything? “You were hiding?”

  “Liam is a lot like your Nathan. Protective. And once they started talking, I didn’t want to interrupt. Sometimes it’s better if the guys share together. They can relate a bit more.”

  I looked toward the library and then back to her. “I needed to ask you something.”

  “I figured you were hesitating for a reason,” she said. “Why aren’t you going to him?”

  “Because...I don’t know if I should do this. To them. Encourage them into a relationship like this.”

  She nodded slowly. “Because you saw him with someone else?”

  My lips quivered. I didn’t want to picture Danielle with Nathan, but it was one of the images in my head I fought against. “It seems so unfair, but I don’t want to change...with him. And...” I didn’t know how to express myself to her.

  Slowly, she reached for me, putting a comforting hand on my back.

  I stood where I was, in the dark with her, trying to put my raging emotions in check. Part of me was surprised I didn’t recoil from her, like I had with other people.

  Lily smoothed her hand carefully over the jacket I wore. “Don’t be afraid to face him,” she said. “What you’re doing now—waiting—that’s the hardest part. Once you see him, once you’re near him, you’ll feel better. And you should forgive him.”

  “I do. I know...it wasn’t intentional.”

  “Don’t go to him crying,” she said. “Don’t tell him your doubts right now. He’s doubting enough. He needs to know you care. He needs to know they all care about him. We can sort out the other part later, okay? He just needs you.”

  I nodded, willing to do as she said, wishing more than anything to repair what had been damaged. “Okay.”

  “Don’t make him wait.” She urged me forward.

  Once she nudged me, I moved without thought, floating to the library.

  She stepped away as I opened the door, facing this alone.

  It was up to me.

  In Repair

  Nathan

  Nathan was standing by the fireplace when Sang walked in. He knew she was here, that she had arrived. Their car lights could be seen through the windows.

  When Liam left to go meet them at the door, Nathan held his breath for long moments, exhaling only when it burned too much.

  Waiting.

  Hoping she was here.

  When the door opened, he turned, finding her standing in the doorway.

  Alone.

  He hadn’t anticipated that. Where was Liam?

  Her green eyes were wide. Her hair was pulled back into a bun on top of her head. She wore dark pants and a sweatshirt. There was a bruise on her face, around her cheek.

  She was beautiful, like always.

  He thought he was ready for this, but he wasn’t. The moment he saw her face, he lowered his shoulders, sheepishly flailing from his position. Excuses and apologizes flooding his mouth, stopping just before they came out.

  She’d carried a book in with her, but she dropped it when their eyes connected.

  She rushed at him, her arms open.

  He turned to her, the fear, the turmoil in him slipping out once he realized she was coming for him.

  She ran into his arms, pushing herself against him. Her face buried into his shoulder as her arms went around his waist.

  He held her, his hands at her back. He took a step away from the fire, too hot at his legs. She clung to him as he shifted.

  He breathed her in. Her cheek pressed to his chest. He buried his nose in her hair.

  Relief flooded through him. It took over his body until he was weak against her, shaking, mind crazy.

  How did she know? How did she always know just what he needed? Her touch, strong against him, telling him she’d worried about him, that she came because she
knew all that happened.

  She didn’t hate him.

  She knew.

  She didn’t have to say it.

  He pulled back, and it was her lips that found his. Her lips that pressed against his mouth, searching.

  Like she was asking for forgiveness.

  She had nothing to ask for, but he kissed her anyway. He dipped his head down, kissing deeply. His lip was still healing, but he ignored that pain.

  He loved her.

  And in that one moment, that single moment with her, kissing her by the fire, all the other doubt he’d had about the plan, about if she wanted this, about how it would all work in the future. It all vanished. They’d been through this much together. He’d screwed up so much.

  Yet she was here. Not a word about what had happened.

  He lifted a hand, fingers moving through her hair to rest his palm against the back of her head. He held her to himself, all the fear disappearing.

  He thought to stop it, but he didn’t want to let go. Not when he had her back in his arms.

  He’d change this. He’d find a house for her. He’d tell the guys he was in. For as long as she wanted them to be together. That they’d make the team work. He’d take the fall for Erica, if he needed to. He’d live in secret.

  Eventually the kiss did break, but they didn’t talk. They simply clung to one another, pressed into each other.

  She buried her face into his chest. He hugged her.

  He promised himself, and later he’d promise her.

  This was going to be his first priority from now on.

  ~A~

  Sang

  Nathan and I sat next to each other on the ride home in the late hours. We were in Kota’s car. Victor and Luke went to Victor’s house. He was going to check in with his parents and then leave shortly after to join us.

  I made sure the boys said nothing to Nathan about what happened as we were leaving. They’d promised Mr. Blackbourne. They promised me with just a look we shared when Nathan and I exited Lily’s house.

  He’s back. Don’t pressure him. Let’s go home.

  At first in the car, Nathan kept his distance from me, sitting on his side and focused on the road.